What Matters Most?

This blog marks the one-year anniversary of my Leaders Edge blog. I began by telling the story of how I had just attended the funeral of Danny, my good friend Steve’s 26 year-old son.  Yesterday, on the anniversary of Danny’s death, I called Steve and we talked for a good length of time. While the contents are between Steve and me, here are a few important take-aways from that conversation.


  • Relationships Matter. As Steve and I discussed the roller coaster of emotions from the last year, I really can’t think of anything that matters more than the relationships with loved ones. Whether it’s business or personal, tending to the relationships of those that matter most…matters most.
  • Time Matters. Who and how we spend our time matters. One of the primary reasons my conversation with Steve was powerful is because we didn’t watch the clock. We took the time to say what needed to be said, and took the time to cover the topics that needed to be covered. Being there and being present counts.
  • Self-care Matters. When the pressure is really on, whether it’s stress, grief, unresolved anger, etc. most of us tend to “put our heads down and plow through” to keep moving ahead. We go into a self-protective mode. This is understandable, but I know that I’m much better off when I take some “me time” to breathe, meditate, pray, let my mind slow down and reflect. Healing and hope does not come from busyness.
  • Sharing the hard stuff matters. Sharing the “heavy load” makes the difficulty 50% easier to carry. Carrying the heavy load alone makes it twice as hard to endure.
  • Feeling the Feelings Matters. There’s a belief, a faulty one, that when we’re feeling sad, afraid, or depressed that this demonstrates a character flaw or weakness, so we put on our happy face mask and pretend that everything is okay. It’s human nature to turn inward (incurvatus in se) on ourselves and we may even take some pride in playing the victim role. When we avoid our true negative feelings, they don’t go away and we can’t heal. By isolating we actually prolong our own suffering. And the devil is waiting for you in your resentment and revenge. The wonderful paradox of this is that we can lessen our time of stress, grief, resentment, anger, etc. precisely when we’re willing to be vulnerable and “sit with” our difficult emotions and feelings.

As you start this new year realize that you have what it takes to write a new story ending that is powerful, meaningful and filled with hope. It may not be easy, but what’s possible? Take care of yourself first.


This blog shares perspectives on how you have the ability to create new story endings that are meaningful, powerful and filled with hope. I facilitate culture changing processes that help organizations achieve greater impact. Also, I provide leadership coaching to help executives and aspiring leaders become the fullest expression of who they’re intended to be.

If you're looking for coaching or consulting services, contact me - brian@leadersedge.me

@beckerbits #leadership #vision #culture www.leadersedge.me